I
wrote this piece for my women's spirituality class, earlier today.
The transitions are awful, but I was following a series of questions
that we were asked to explore. I have a lot more to say, besides this. But I thought I'd post this, first.
Growing up in a Christian household shaped the way I
believe in God, significantly. Although I do not have the exact same beliefs, I
still have similar beliefs, just more elaborate, and beliefs that go outside
the Bible that was hammered into me, as a child. Being a Christian was
extremely important to my entire family, both on my mother’s and father’s side.
There was no doubt in my head that God existed. As a child, I loved Jesus, and
wondered why we couldn’t go to heaven, right away. But when I turned twelve,
things changed. I was very afraid of God, at times, and at other times, very
afraid that he didn’t exist. I had seen the big bang theory presented at the
museum, and questioned if everything I had been taught was a fallacy.
Gender roles were outlined as men
being the provider, and women needing to obey their husbands, at least from
what I read. But my family was broken. My mom had cheated on my dad and moved
out of the house. Before that I could see my dad being very abusive to my mom.
It was very clear that he was in control. However, when my mom left, he went
out of control. I became the woman in the house. He decided to treat me the way
he treated my mom. It wasn’t just gender roles that were in place, it was the
role of the parent: Honor your mother and father, no matter the circumstances. It
upset me greatly that God would let my father be my father. As I grew older, I
rebelled from Christianity, completely. I rebelled from everything my family
stood for. I decided to be my own God. This didn’t turn out, very well. It was
a very painful journey. But it introduced me to divination and astrology, which
I still use, today.
Currently, I consider myself a very
spiritual person. I have conversations with God, everyday. I am not religious,
though. I believe that God is the universe and beyond. I believe we are all
pieces of God, everything: the stars, the sun, the moon, all the planets and
their life forms, all the creatures on earth, the trees and the earth, even my
couch, or the computer I am typing with. But I also believe God reaches through
all of the dimensions, in this universe, as well as outside of space and time.
I think he is more than human comprehension, but I do believe that we can feel
his presence and hear his words whispered to us, if we choose to listen. I call
God “he” loosely, because that is what I grew up with. But I don’t think God
has human characteristics, except that we humans have pieces of God within us.
This is where I believe there are both male, and female, aspects of the divine,
as well as androgynous aspects. I believe we can access the female divine
through our relationships with ourselves and other women, and with the spirit
of nature that gives life to all that is living.
I think there is a big difference
between religion and spirituality. Religion is constructed by humankind. It has
rules that we must live by, or else we shall pay the consequences. It limits
God to a human form with human emotions, such as hate, jealousy, and vengeance.
It makes us afraid to ask questions. It makes us prejudice against those who
don’t believe what we believe. Wars, assimilation, and genocide are constructed
upon these beliefs. It makes people rebel against God and spirituality, so as
to completely disclaim all that we cannot see or know for sure, all that we
cannot hold in our hand and observe. Some people are religious and spiritual,
at the same time. But many people say they are religious, but do not truly
believe in a higher power, nor try to get in touch with the force of God, or
their higher selves. People are afraid to be spiritual. They are afraid to see
the divine within.
As stated before, I do not believe
God is a human, either male or female. But I believe that the divine is in all
living creatures, and all living creatures are either male, or female, or both.
Even plants have both male and female aspects. I don’t think my couch is a
male, or female, but it was once made of things that were living, that have
those aspects. I think when we get in touch with the female divine, we are
getting in touch with our higher selves, and the feminine aspects of life.
Creation is feminine. Life is creation, birth and rebirth. Therefore all life
has feminine qualities.
I think feminism comes into play
with women’s spirituality, because of the inherent misogynistic beliefs that
are so prominent in western religions. Women were treated like cattle. They
were traded as peace offerings between warring tribes/families. We have been
told that there is a woman’s place, and that it is subjugate to men. We are
told that being the creator of life is not as important as being the destroyer
and conqueror. We are meant to be conquered, ourselves, according to some
religions. Women are thought of to be evil and to take men away from God. Some
religions were matrilineal, such as many Native American tribes. That was until
Europeans came to America and enslaved, assimilated, and murdered millions of people
and animals. Some pagan religions were matrilineal. However, I don’t know as
much about that as I’d like. I know that the revival of the Goddess is
prominent in the Wiccan religion.
I
am really excited to learn more about women’s spirituality, because I long to
be connected to the feminine divine, which is a piece of myself, my higher
self, and the female aspects of life. 